Well I am sitting at home just relaxing with the boys. Ah How nice.
Life is great Poor TO he wanted to go out and enjoy and some jerk is messing with his time.
I do not understand how someone can act like him ( not TO) and not get the point. I think I am going to stay up all night tonight
Friday, July 31, 2009
acceptance
I am sitting here at work waiting to start my day. I ask why. Why do I continue to push forward sometimes it just seems like life has stoped
That no matter what I do I will never achavie what I have set out to do. Case in point. I busted my ass at work to make a nice
Bouns and then life in its greatness put a financial challange by having 2 roommates leave so I have
To cover them. I was hoping to get my ipod. Truth be told life gave me what I needed and wanted
They were a major disruption to our life
So I pick up a side job this weekend hoping to get my ipod and aafter looking at finances its not happing
I could sit here and say that it is not fair or I can look on the other side of the coin
When I got sober I accepted life on lifes terms and my bills must be Paid. Man it can suck so much
If I let it. I go non stop hoping to gain what I want yet I get to take care of what is needed
And that is what acceptance is. I am sitting waiting to go to work. I wanted a good life. And that
Is not free I have a nice home a great relationship the perfect person in my life
All the other things can go away and I would still be happy
That no matter what I do I will never achavie what I have set out to do. Case in point. I busted my ass at work to make a nice
Bouns and then life in its greatness put a financial challange by having 2 roommates leave so I have
To cover them. I was hoping to get my ipod. Truth be told life gave me what I needed and wanted
They were a major disruption to our life
So I pick up a side job this weekend hoping to get my ipod and aafter looking at finances its not happing
I could sit here and say that it is not fair or I can look on the other side of the coin
When I got sober I accepted life on lifes terms and my bills must be Paid. Man it can suck so much
If I let it. I go non stop hoping to gain what I want yet I get to take care of what is needed
And that is what acceptance is. I am sitting waiting to go to work. I wanted a good life. And that
Is not free I have a nice home a great relationship the perfect person in my life
All the other things can go away and I would still be happy
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Just Checking in
Well it has been a few weeks and I just wanted to check in,
Life has provided some interesting turns in the last few weeks but nothing us at Flaming Gorge cant handle. TO starts his new job in the morning I am so proud of him he took his passion and made it a job. Way to go TO. RT and PR have decided to move. Thank you God I remember a few weeks back I was asking for strength. God has a way of taking care of things as long as we step out of the way. JM is doing good and trying harder to intergrate into society. As for me well just trying to keep positive. Today I did not want to go to my second job. I get burnt out, I wanted to stay on the internet looking to make a trade for a ipod touch I want one so bad, God will get it for me when it is time. I am going to start walking the dogs in the evining when I get home. They are doing so well. I am uplate and at even tired. i went to the hosptial last night to have my elbow drained.I am ok, and some friends came over for a bbq and games, it was fun, I kinda miss have a social life. As soon as TO is working I need to get a night Job if we do this right we can save a lot of money and start to make a good life for us.
Life has provided some interesting turns in the last few weeks but nothing us at Flaming Gorge cant handle. TO starts his new job in the morning I am so proud of him he took his passion and made it a job. Way to go TO. RT and PR have decided to move. Thank you God I remember a few weeks back I was asking for strength. God has a way of taking care of things as long as we step out of the way. JM is doing good and trying harder to intergrate into society. As for me well just trying to keep positive. Today I did not want to go to my second job. I get burnt out, I wanted to stay on the internet looking to make a trade for a ipod touch I want one so bad, God will get it for me when it is time. I am going to start walking the dogs in the evining when I get home. They are doing so well. I am uplate and at even tired. i went to the hosptial last night to have my elbow drained.I am ok, and some friends came over for a bbq and games, it was fun, I kinda miss have a social life. As soon as TO is working I need to get a night Job if we do this right we can save a lot of money and start to make a good life for us.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Beauty of life
They say when life gives you lemons make lemonade,
I think life is about creating, creating our own world, the good, the bad, the love, the hurt.
As a young man I could blame people, places, my rank in society, my race, my parents, etc.
As an adult I can only look in the mirror and ask. What is it that I need ? How can I achieve ?
When I place others and there thoughts in front of mine and the things I know is right I will never have peace. Yes I know others are important and I should always consider others in my actions. With that said I am still the one who is accountable for my actions.
I am powerless over others and my own life is unmanageable until I Let go and give the power away. It is when I do this I can grow and learn. It is not that I have been defeated or even lost. For to surrender is to accept. Acceptance is not an action of weakness or defeat but of strength. The strength to grow, learn and mature. Many will say the road is long and hard others will say the road is narrow and some will say less traveled. I my self say we all travel it some willingly and some not so. The length is are to decide and the width can be narrow unless you allow your friends to travel along. No man is an island we are part of a nucleus, it is when we forget that it takes a village to raise a child and attempt to face life alone that the road becomes long and narrow. The greatest gift is friendship pure and simple like that of a child the trust to accept the security of the care giver.
When I accept that people places and things are there, there for a reason, a lesson to me I can then see the beauty. I can then accept the good, the bad, the love, the hurt.
Life is beautiful as long as I allow it to be. As long as I let go. An oxymoron some would say. For it is when I let go let God, I then have control. It is when I surrender, I gain control, It is when I accept I can change. Life
I think life is about creating, creating our own world, the good, the bad, the love, the hurt.
As a young man I could blame people, places, my rank in society, my race, my parents, etc.
As an adult I can only look in the mirror and ask. What is it that I need ? How can I achieve ?
When I place others and there thoughts in front of mine and the things I know is right I will never have peace. Yes I know others are important and I should always consider others in my actions. With that said I am still the one who is accountable for my actions.
I am powerless over others and my own life is unmanageable until I Let go and give the power away. It is when I do this I can grow and learn. It is not that I have been defeated or even lost. For to surrender is to accept. Acceptance is not an action of weakness or defeat but of strength. The strength to grow, learn and mature. Many will say the road is long and hard others will say the road is narrow and some will say less traveled. I my self say we all travel it some willingly and some not so. The length is are to decide and the width can be narrow unless you allow your friends to travel along. No man is an island we are part of a nucleus, it is when we forget that it takes a village to raise a child and attempt to face life alone that the road becomes long and narrow. The greatest gift is friendship pure and simple like that of a child the trust to accept the security of the care giver.
When I accept that people places and things are there, there for a reason, a lesson to me I can then see the beauty. I can then accept the good, the bad, the love, the hurt.
Life is beautiful as long as I allow it to be. As long as I let go. An oxymoron some would say. For it is when I let go let God, I then have control. It is when I surrender, I gain control, It is when I accept I can change. Life
Monday, July 13, 2009
Hello
Well I am 41 and all I want is paitance . God grant me the serenity, help me place princiaples before personailtys
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Good Bye
Tonight is the eve of my birth. 41 Years ago I was brought into this world. I am now an adult it is time for me to let go of the thoughts of youth and immortality. My life today is good. I have a person in my life whom my higher power that I chose to call God has chosen to be partner best friend and lover to death. This is not the person whom I would have asked for, yet is the greatest person I have ever known. I have two great dogs and two great cats.
If I were to have been asked were I would be tonight the place I am I could have never of dreamed of. There are many things I say I want and as an adult I know wants are not needs.
God gives me my needs. I am a blessed man and a grateful person. This year will be the rising sun. Things I have only drempt I shall accomplish.
Thank you God, AA, Tom, my mother and Father, my friends and those who have touched my life.
If I were to have been asked were I would be tonight the place I am I could have never of dreamed of. There are many things I say I want and as an adult I know wants are not needs.
God gives me my needs. I am a blessed man and a grateful person. This year will be the rising sun. Things I have only drempt I shall accomplish.
Thank you God, AA, Tom, my mother and Father, my friends and those who have touched my life.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Hello
Well here at work board hate my job and still doing it. I kinda think I will be doing this for a while. I am going to get me a psp so I can kill the time and stay working so I can make money. Man I hate this job I do collections what a drag in this economy to try and get people to pay. I dont want to go to my meeting tonight cause all the drama. we will see.
Monday, July 6, 2009
just a day
Hello cyber space today was a day just one of those days were you wonder. I woke up to the news that a friend had passed on. Then I could not find my clothes for work. Oh all this was after spending my whole sunday away from home. i get to work and the boss wants us to do the shit I hate. i get a text from roommates saying they want to move. I dont collect shit. I get a call from my other boss he could not find my invoice my loan is going slow thanks to the investor.I get home TO is not feeling good. I dont spend time with my dog. I am going crazy like I am falling down a black tunnel. I know in God is taking care of it yet Sometimes it is to much. That is why I started to write. To get my crazyness out so I can move on. I have to find new roommates. deal with the current ones figure out the money. All this with trying to unnderstand the ones in my house. I wonder what God is preparing me for. I am not this strong. I will no matter what continue on. I shall overcome all this and it will be better. I think I need to see a doctor to discuss the issues in my head. My head is a crazy place it is like at a circus the house of mirrors. Nothing is in proper perspective. I will figure it out. Some times I want to be out of control/ Just give it all up. Be unaccountable. I know I cant cause to many count on me. Well good night.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Thinking
Well it is Friday night I had a good day at home with TO we just kicked it and done some stuff around the house. It was kinda fun. Gave the boys a bath and now we are kicking it in bed. Watching some tv. I got a feeling things are going to get better To seems to be trying harder to have a two way relationship. It will be so great. I knew if I waited long anuff this relationship would be worth it. I so love him. If we make it through these next two weeks our financial sitioun will get better. I am happy.
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