If it is

As I sit and ponder life I get so angry at myself. I will say no he was not the best man in the world, yet even with all his flaws we had something. I miss him I miss the connection. I really wish I knew what it is that I did that ran him away. i can not change him or this place we are in. I hope we can someday be friends. Yes I know it is best for both of us. But damn it after 11 years it is hard. I have to leave the tv on at night so I can sleep. Mothers day iis this weekend. 16 years ago I lost my mother his replaced her and this year I will not be able to see her or wish her a happy mothers day. i know I am rambling and shit but it is my way to get it out.....